I wanna passion pit in your ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
