so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
