He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
