Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
