He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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