omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hippo gnu deer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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