Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
