so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
