You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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