so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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