You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In America we eat man semen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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