My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
