dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
