yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
