If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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