Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
