John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize