Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
