there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize