My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
