Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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