fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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