he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
