Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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