Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
