How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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