Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
