Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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