You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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