Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
