I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
