if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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