Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize