Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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