so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
