bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He passed out mid-signature
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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