Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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