Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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