feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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