so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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