you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
