its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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