I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
