Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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