My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
