They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
