And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
