I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
