I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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