I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
