I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
