I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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