I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
