maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
