Christians are straight up FREAKS
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
