my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
