Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
