also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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