I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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