He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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