do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
