But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
