the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she pinky promised me she was 18
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
