Jerry, you need to find god
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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