I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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